Parental Script messages: I'm Okay... If you're not like me!
Script... A decision I have made about myself, others and the world. Having made that decision I have 'ways of being' or responsive's, depending on where I am, who I am with or the situation I find myself in.
" Script... No matter what happens in a play or a production... always stick to the script!". " Every play needs its actor."
I'm Okay... I have Intrinsic value just by being alive which can never be taken away irrespective of what I do, say or Achieve
Becoming a parent, I thought that my role was solely to pour into my kids and help mould them into ‘good’ individuals. Little did I know that my kids would be my greatest teachers and expose my most hidden insecurities, so hidden, I didn’t realise they were there or rather I had buried them so deep inside I had forgotten about them. My son sometimes finds it difficult to preserve with tasks or activities he finds challenging. There have been times when he has become emotional and strategic about his avoidance of said tasks. Every time I have seen this attribute, a deep anger towards my son and the situation arises from my soul. “ Why is he like this?” and “ Come, on man, why are you crying? You're not even in trouble!” These are but a few of the thoughts which passed through my mind. Each time, the motivational speech I wanted him to hear would leave me and all that would be left for me to say would be laced with negativity. During a course weekend where I had been learning more about Transactional Analysis, I reflected on the dynamic between myself and my son. With the aid of different exercises, I realised a deep truth… My son was just like me! And I hated it! He displayed a part of me which I hated and despised and seeing it not only made me feel that I had failed him as a father but was a reminder of the thing that I find difficult. I’ve realised that as parents, the very thing we despise in our kids is normally the thing we despise about ourselves! We have to love ourselves guys! It's from this place we can really care for and cherish our children, in spite of what we perceive to be our flaws. It was also important to not project myself on to my son but rather ‘see him’ and fully accept him for who he is and where he is developmentally. Now when I look at my son, I see my son, a boy of 7 years old that has challenges like everyone else and that’s OK. His growing and has the potential to grow and develop new ways of doing things, but in the meantime, I'm going to Love him and love myself as I too hold within myself that same potential for growth.
Cultivate a love and an acceptance for who you are. You are OK
… all the time!
Separate the behaviour from the value of the child
Embrace all your quirks… not all of them are negative!